OFFICE AFFAIRS
How to resist and
overcome the allure of office affairs
By
Carmen and Dr Lim Poh Ann
A young lady in her early 20s’, Jen See (not her
real name) seemed to have it all. She amassed all the C’s which many young
people strove for: cash, car, condominium and club membership. Her hard work and
sterling performance in the office rewarded her with awards
and great perks.
However, putting in more than 42 hours a week at work
slowly affected her marriage.
She hardly spent time with her newly-married husband,
Jonathan, who often fell asleep on the sofa while awaiting her return from
work.
A French-Chinese young man named Steve arrived in Jen See’s
company to assist in an upcoming project in the Asia-Pacific
region. His exotic looks coupled with cash, calibre and charisma made
him the hot guy in the office. Many female colleagues
were disappointed to learn that Steve was married with two lovely kids
residing in Hong Kong.
More than colleagues
Steve
and Jen See were assigned to the same team for the project.
They worked late
through the nights and
went out for supper together, sharing life stories and mutual interests. There was an extraordinary chemistry between them. With such good rapport,
they came up with brilliant proposals for the project,
which turned out to be a huge success.
Steve
started to develop feelings for Jen See.
He would find excuses to meet up with her. Later, he
declared his
affection for her and wanted to be more than a colleague. Jen See was speechless. Although her marriage lacked intimacy, an affair
had never crossed her mind. Steve was every woman’s dream guy,
but she was not ready to become his lover.
Dismissing
Steve’s advances, Jen See continued to invest her time
and energy in her career. As time passed, her marriage began showing signs of
breakdown. She forgot
to celebrate Jonathan’s birthday. She did not call him or
even return his
call, leaving her husband waiting in vain at home. Jonathan was hurt and ended
up drinking.
Meanwhile, Steve was not a quitter. Slowly, Jen See
gave in to his advances. From just colleagues, they became
secret lovers. They
often sent intimate SMSes and e-mails to each other
during office hours. Candlelight dinners and overseas
assignment trips brought them even closer. Jen See began to lie to
her husband and seldom went home.
A rude awakening
“Liam
is sick and asks for you. Can you come back as soon as
possible? The children miss you.”
“Daddy,
Daddy. Liam and Melissa here. When will you be
back?”
A woman’s plea, followed by a young boy’s query could be heard from the telephone answering machine in Steve’s apartment.
A woman’s plea, followed by a young boy’s query could be heard from the telephone answering machine in Steve’s apartment.
Jen
See felt as if she was given a hard slap on her face. It was
a rude awakening for her. Suddenly, she realised she was ruining Steve’s family
as well as her marriage. She knew there was too much at stake if she did not end the affair.
“Steve,
what we did was wrong. Let’s end
this. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore,” said Jen See as she picked up her
bag to leave the apartment.
She
knew she was to be blamed for her icy cold marriage. Ambitious and career-minded, she had allowed
work to take priority over her marriage.
She
cried as she drove home, praying that
it was not too late to make it up with her husband.
Unfortunately, Jonathan had already left the house and filed for divorce. Remorseful and teary, she pleaded with him
to forgive her infidelity, but to no avail.
Jen See could not avoid meeting Steve in the
office. Uncomfortable and troubled, she couldn’t work with him as before. They
often argued and Steve frequently shifted the blame to Jen
See whenever they encountered problems at work. Their colleagues wondered why
such good co-workers had become terribly antagonistic.
True colours
Steve
was still mad about Jen See. He did not wish to end the affair.
He threatened to tell their colleagues that she had slept with him to
climb up the corporate ladder. Jen See was
helpless as Steve’s words carried more weight than her good track record in
the office. Moreover, Steve was the nephew of the Managing Director of the company.
Her final resort was to resign, but he stopped
her from doing so. He threatened to harm her husband if she chose to leave.
Underneath Steve’s charming exterior was a violent
and possessive personality. He constantly checked her whereabouts and insisted that she spent the nights at his apartment. He forced her
to have sex with him and when she refused, he would hit her. Jen See was at the
end of her tether. She often wished that the sordid
affair had never happened.
Be vigilant
Workplace is where we spend most of our time
besides home. Can we truly say we will
not fall for office affairs like Steve and Jen See?. Can we really trust
ourselves?
The
allure of office affairs lies in the fact that people of the opposite sex are
exposed to the best side of one another in the office environment. Their
spouses at home often appear unkempt (wife is in curlers and pyjamas; husband
snores and his socks smell) and harassed (screaming at the children). At the
workplace, people appear well-dressed, courteous and polite. They display
positive qualities like competence, efficiency and reliability which foster
mutual respect and admiration. All these factors make the office an excellent
“breeding ground” for affairs.
Temptation
often catches us off-guard. But when we are tempted, it does not
mean we have sinned: “You can’t stop a bird
from flying over your head,
but you can prevent it from building a nest
on your head.” Evil thoughts may arise but this is not sin unless we choose to yield to these thoughts and allow
them to grow and fester within our hearts and minds.
To
be forewarned is to be forearmed. How then can we resist or overcome office
affairs?
How
to resist/overcome office affairs?
1. Build
intimacy with God. Study and memorise His word and pray (Psalm 119:9).
2. Build
intimacy with your spouse, if married (Proverbs 5: 15, 18, 19, 20).
3. Beware
what your mind and eyes feed on. Know the dangers of pornography (Psalms
101:3).
4. Never
think that you are incapable of moral failure (1 Corinthians 10:12).
5. RUN
from the tempting situation. It may even mean asking for a transfer or getting
a new job (Genesis 39:12).
6. Recognise
the body is God’s temple. Fear God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
7. Recognise
the consequences: undoing a wrong is not the same as having a clean slate; irreversible
negative effects result, including betrayal of trust, divorce, financial loss
or venereal disease.
8. Mix
with good company. “Bad company ruins good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33).
9. Be
accountable. Share your problem with a trusted friend of the same sex and ask
for his/ her prayers.
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