Sunday 3 June 2012


Where have the eligible bachelors gone?*

No, I do not mean churches are lacking in godly men.

But it seems there are few eligible men around in church. And this, of course, works against the aspirations of many sisters who are still single.

The sisters are bemoaning the fact that many of the “good” guys have already been snapped up. Dipping into this diminishing pool of eligible bachelors, the gals lament the fact that some of these guys are immature or lacking in drive (read “unambitious”).

Now ambition isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Gals will usually look for those who are “higher” than them on the socio-economic ladder, spiritually and academically. Often they also expect the guys to be physically taller – and maybe with the added bonus of a muscular physique.

This expectation comes naturally to gals while they’re looking for mates as men are seen as the protector and provider of the family. At least, the kids arising from the union should be able to draw inspiration from daddy who can teach them more than a thing or two on self-preservation and how to get ahead in life.

Nowadays, many ladies in their 20’s or 30’s are already earning their keep. They are often financially independent and ahead of the men in the same category – spiritually, academically and career-wise. (It saddens my heart to say this as a guy but the gals are often more disciplined and focused than the guys).

If that’s the case, how can single sisters find suitable, eligible men who will fit the bill? They look for the “good” men but sadly there are not many to choose from. In this respect, the fact local churches usually have a female preponderance aggravate the situation further.

Does this mean the sisters have to lower their standards and be less picky? Certainly not. Fret not; do not rush into something which has important life-long ramifications.

Deciding to marry is not a step to be entered into lightly. It’s better to wait for the right soul mate than rush into a union for fear of having missed the boat. Better to trust God and acknowledge Him in all our plans (Proverbs 3:5,6). 

But inasmuch as the gals look for good marriage material among the men, the sisters would have to ask themselves: How well have they been preparing themselves to be eligible mates? 

A desire for self-improvement – in all areas of life, including the spiritual and academic aspects as well as social and working life – should be evident in both sides. Remember, it takes two to tango.

Perhaps, local churches should initiate some “social engineering” effort. Organising get-togethers where singles can mingle freely in a small group setting – over dinner or a la ‘love boat’ style – can be positive steps towards correcting a social problem which has largely escaped the radar of church leaders.

Why should the church not grow biologically apart from its emphasis on spiritual multiplication? Let there be more strong families in the nation to function as role models and uphold Christian values.

Against seemingly insurmountable odds, Ruth waited until Boaz showed up. She was rewarded for her faithfulness.

Ladies who are past the third decade of life are still attractive in different ways. Nothing is impossible if they continue to trust in a faithful God who might just surprise them: “Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart’s desires” (Psalm 37:4).

*The above is just the author’s opinion based on his perception of the boy-meet-girl scene in the Malaysian church.


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