How to be loving caregivers without pushing yourself over the edge
While God has not called us to be insensitive or uncaring, we should be cautious in bending over backwards to please “needy” people—especially those who are perpetually dissatisfied. Otherwise we could easily be pushed over the edge and become victims of compassion fatigue.
Many
caregivers experience burnout because they have not identified their own needs and
learnt to address them. How can they love others unless they love themselves as
well? They must recognise their own emotional threshold of tolerance beyond
which they won’t be able to lovingly serve others.
No
one can continually give of themselves emotionally and spiritually. Offering
comfort and succour can be draining. Caregivers need not feel guilty when they
allow others to relieve them of their duties so that they can have a brief respite.
Everyone—and that includes the caregiver—needs to periodically refill their emotional
and spiritual tanks. This can be in the form of physical rest, recreation, going
on a vacation, spending time with close friends, and indulging in culinary
delights or hobbies such as music and movies.
Above all, caregivers should not neglect spending time with God in prayer, meditation on the Word and
worship.
“Very early in the
morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to
a solitary place, where he prayed” (Mark 1:35).
“But those who hope
in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles,
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah
40:31).
“Blessed are those
whose strength is in you,
whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baka,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools” (Psalm 84:5).
If
possible, caregivers should encourage the needy to be more self-reliant. While
those in need deserve help for a season, they should not continually lean on
others. This is unhealthy as it encourages passivity and
perpetuates a “dependency syndrome”.
WHO CARES?
A honest look at the
realities of caring for the aged—without forgetting the caregivers. The
Chinese have a saying, “Long illness breeds unfilial children.” How true!
Children these days are finding their filial piety stretched to the limits with
all kinds of complex situations arising from caring for their aged parents.
COMPASSION FATIGUE
Loving requires energy as it
involves giving of ourselves. As such, it’s people with big hearts
who suffer. Many caregivers and counsellors get burnt out giving
love and care without realising it.
“We do not want people to perish before their time. We want caregivers to
conserve their energy so that they can serve for many more years.”
DRAINING YOUR TANK BY HELPING
PEOPLE
Are you getting worn out by people who
won’t be satisfied no matter what you do for them? Have you established boundaries beyond
which you know God doesn’t want you to continue helping people who won’t be
helped?
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